Through four weeks of the NFL we have seen the good, the bad and the God awful. In a league of parody, sometimes, it’s hard to tell who’s really good and who is fake good. I’m going to do my best to uncover them all. I’m not going to insult your intelligence by letting you know who the really good and bad teams are. You already know those. I’m here to help expose the faux good teams that the analysts keep telling us are the real deal.
First up, the San Diego Chargers. Any team that has Norv Turner as its head coach is doomed to fail. Don’t let their 3-1 record fool you; there is a 4 game losing streak on the horizon. Everyone will tell you that they never start strong but will finish strong. Well, that takes care of the first and last four games of the season…what happens in the middle, though? They will fall apart very, very soon.
Another 3-1 team that I’m struggling to believe is a contender…the Minnesota Vikings. Yes, Christian Ponder hasn’t thrown an interception so far this season and yes, Adrian Peterson looks to be back on top but I’m still not buying it. They don’t have the talent on offense to continue at this pace. You can’t rely on Peterson; he has a long history of injuries and can’t carry the whole team. Plus, I don’t think the secondary can stop some of these high-powered offenses. I know they beat San Francisco but even a blind squirrel can find a nut.
Let’s stay in the NFC North and discuss the Chicago Bears. Jay Cutler is a ticking time bomb. He can either throw for 4 touchdowns or 4 interceptions any time he steps on to the field. Sometimes he can do that in the same game. He is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass at quarterback. Brandon Marshall has looked good so far this season but you never know when his wife will stab or beat the crap out of him. The Bears defense can’t carry this offense every week. At some point this team will veer of the tracks.
The Arizona Cardinals are another team that is winning with smoke and mirrors. They beat Seattle by 4, New England by 2, Miami took them to overtime and they lost to St Louis. That is all you need to know about the Cardinals. Their defense is good but not great…they rank 13th for overall. The offense keeps putting their defense in horrible positions. I’m still not on the Kevin Kolb band wagon, if there is one. Stop believing people when they tell you that the Cardinals are for real.
My final fake good team is the Philadelphia Eagles. That 3-1 record is a mirage. Michael Vick can’t stay healthy and couldn’t go five minutes without throwing an interception or losing a fumble. The defense is the only thing that has kept their anemic offense in games that they should lose. This team filled with “superstars” is one big hit away from having Nick Foles, a rookie from Arizona, finish the season for them. Keep in mind that Michael Vick has only finished a full season without missing a game due to injury once.
The New York Jets were on my radar to start the season but they didn’t make the list because they aren’t even pretending to be good. They are just really good at being bad this season. I can’t wait to see Tim Tebow start at quarterback after Rex Ryan caves in to the fans and ownership. I can hear the circus music already!