The Cell Phones Made Me Lose!

by Junior D on June 7, 2012 · 0 comments

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I enjoy golfing. I enjoy watching golf when I have time. What I don’t enjoy about golf are the golfers. Watching Tiger Woods at the Memorial Tournament is what I like about golf. I know many people hate Tiger Woods even before the story came out that he was banging every skank in the country. What I like about Tiger is his raw emotion, the fist pumping and the fire he brings to the game. I know he can be like every other professional golfer and cry about noises in his back swing and pictures being taken but at least he shows emotion.

I used to like Phil Mickelson as well. He takes chances on the golf course even if the odds are slim he’ll still try. There’s something that’s very ‘Tin Cup’ about him. Although after the story came out this weekend that he sent a text to PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem from the sixth fairway at Muirfield Village saying that fans with cellphones on the course was getting out of hand I lost my mind.

This is what I truly hate about golf. They call it the gentleman’s game…it’s a game for pussies, if you ask me. Every other sport has thousands of fans in the stands screaming, shouting obscenities, and throwing things onto the field of play. If someone held up a “Quiet Please” sign at a football game I’m pretty sure that person would get the crap kicked out of him. I know people are going to say things like, ‘the fans are so close to the golfers, and it’s different from other sports.’ Keep your pie hole shut. I don’t want to hear any of that. Look at basketball…the fans are practically on the court with the players. When you’re taking foul shots there are thousands of fans screaming and waving anything they can to try to distract you so you miss the shot.

Let’s also discuss the fact that Lefty sent a TEXT MESSAGE FROM HIS CELL PHONE complaining about cell phones on the course. That’s like eating a hamburger, wearing a fur coat and clubbing a baby seal while discussing the ethical treatment of animals. This is just one example of the cry baby attitude of professional golfers. Bubba Watson said, “Phil’s a great player and a great champion, and it just took him out of his game. It’s sad. It’s sad that cellphones can make or break a championship.” ARE YOU SERIOUS!? After I heard that I wanted to burn all of my golf apparel.

picture by Couch Commando

I’m sorry that the click from an Iphone camera prevents you from hitting that little white ball where you want it to go. That sounds like a you problem. So that little click or someone’s ringer going off is going to make or break a championship?! I’m sorry, have you not heard birds chirp or dogs bark during a round of golf? That’s never happened during your backswing? These guys need to get over themselves and just play the game. It’s not like these people had the old style camera with the giant hand-held flash bulbs taking pictures.

I am the first to complain about the dumb people in this country. I will point out that most people with smart phones and any cell phone probably shouldn’t have one, but these are grown men making millions of dollars playing a game. Have they never heard of evolution or change? Society has changed dramatically with new technology. They either need to get with the program or quit, go home and yell at the kids in their neighborhood for walking through their yard.

A bit of advice for professional golfers…when you practice have people come out and snap pictures and talk while you swing. You know, kinda like NBA and NFL teams pump crowd noise into their practice facility to prepare for the next road game. Quit crying and play the game. If you lose don’t blame someone else. That’s not something a gentleman does.


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