Big Baby Bielema

by Junior D on October 31, 2013 · 0 comments

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Bret Bielema is at it again. The Arkansas head coach is proving once again that he is the biggest whiney bitch in all of college football. For those of you who do not recall his pissy meltdowns in the past, allow me to remind you of a few.

First Bielema got upset when Urban Meyer joined the Big Ten and promptly started to hand his ass to him on the recruiting trail. During the 2012 recruiting campaign, while Bielema was still the head coach of Wisconsin, he secured a verbal commitment from Kyle Dodson, the 24th ranked offensive tackle in the country. Kyle also happened to be from Cleveland, Ohio. It was quite the coup for ‘ole Bret. Kyle was the highest rated offensive lineman to commit to the Badgers in five years. Enter Urban. Exit Dodson from Wisconsin. Urban did what Urban does; he out-recruited a simpleton and got the player he wanted. Instead of taking it like a man and realizing it’s part of the recruiting game, Bielema got his knickers in a bunch and went straight to Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany. Even though Delany is cut from the same moron cloth as Bielema, he could still see Urban had done nothing wrong, and Bielema was ordered back to Wisconsin to sulk in self pity. Meyer and the Buckeyes would beat Bret’s awful Badgers less than ten months later. Bielema decided to head for perceived greener pastures, so he left for the SEC.

Of course there are several other instances in which Bielema has proven to be completely classless. There was 2012, when he refused to give his game film to Oregon St because they would not share game film of their season opener. Of course they couldn’t, because the game was delayed by a hurricane.

My personal favorite is when Bielema cried at his first SEC media day as Arkansas head coach about how the hurry-up offense that has taken over college football needs to be “slowed down because someone is going to get hurt.” When in reality, it is because his clueless whiney ass can’t figure out how to stop it. His first act as Arkansas’s new head coach was to cry like a schoolgirl because the hurry-up spread offense is kicking his ass. I am guessing it’s that point in time that Arkansas realized they made mistake.

So why is bitchy little Bret so worked up this time? His current gripe is with Auburn, and it’s just as pathetic as the rest. He is upset because he claims Auburn is not correctly sharing game film. How did they fail to live up to Bielema’s high standards? Auburn didn’t include a wide angle view of one of their 2-point conversion formations. Yes, you read that correctly. Take a second to lie down if need be.

Bielema actually said this out loud.  He told reporters earlier this week “there are just some clips that haven’t – shall we say, the TV copy doesn’t match the film copy, and it’s something we have kind of been aware of now for the last week and half in getting our preparation. So we can use other film and stuff like that to make sure we are getting the full picture.”

For those of you who don’t know, Arkansas hosts Auburn this week in what will be the Razorbacks sixth straight loss. Allow me to be the first to say that Bielema could do nothing but watch 2-point conversion film from now until the end of time and it’s not going to stop Auburn from putting their foot in his ass this weekend. Seriously, if Auburn decides to go for two, it’s because they want to run up the score, not because they actually need the points to win.

It’s nice to see that new surroundings haven’t changed Big Baby Bielema. You can take the whiney little bitch out of the Big Ten, but you can’t take the whiney little bitch out of the whiney little bitch. I can’t wait to see what Auburn does to Arkansas this weekend. I hope they go for two every time they score. I hope they go for it every fourth down and leave their starters in the whole game. I hope they pull down Bret’s pants on national TV and spank his bottom until quits and leaves to coach high school football where he belongs.

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